hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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