I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
