I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
