yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
