Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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