I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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