I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize