I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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