So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm going to jail i love you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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