i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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