Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
