I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
