I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
