Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
