two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
