So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
