fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
