these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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