Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
