Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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