we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
