Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
