You're completely useless in the revolution.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
