You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
