her vagine was all disorganized.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
