Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
