I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
