I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
