dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
