So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
