So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i barfeds in our rink
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
