census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
