spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I look better un-naked...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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