thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
