It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
