I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
