The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
