this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
