He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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