okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
barbara walters just said penis...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
