The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
