Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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