Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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