I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
