I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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