Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
