Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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