Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
