I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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