I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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