Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
