last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
