im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need a burrito and a hug.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
