I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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