its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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