I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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