things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.