don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..