If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
