I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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