WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
