Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
