Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
