More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
