Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
