12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
