I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
