So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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