I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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