Your face is a jimmy john
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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