he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
