you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
