So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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