I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend