i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE