Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
