Apparently you make a good broom.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
