K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
