I'm gonna have a badass scar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
