My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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