Umm I'm too high to move.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
