I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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