Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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