I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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