the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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