How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Are my feet made of real feet?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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